about 12:30 on sunday night, what a long strange trip it's been.
We started with a bang by Evan missing every exit on the way down there. Bifita is blaring metal into my skull. Blake is in the other car with evan, abe, and Ian, working on his debating skills and drilling people on what they should like, petitioning to rename the United States "Blakes World". Scenerio #1) Person 1: Hey man, what do you think about that up and coming band "The Indefinite article" cause i think they're exhilerating! Person 2: MMMM, Yes, me too, exhilerating! By the time we reached New York, Brandons brain turned back on (after about a 2 hour cortex zone-out session) and he continued to burn CD's. Mark was in the back talking like meat-wad from aqua teen hunger force for about an hour. We stopped in at a rest stop for food and bathroom usage. I brought my big gay blue cooler in with me and Even wanted a bite of my sloppy roast beef sandwich, he was quickly denied. Tains wandered off to do who knows what, and where after mowing down a double cheeseburger from McDonalds, Ian did his usual routine, walked around like Iccabod Crain for a while, then smoked a family of 4 out of a house and home, Brandon ate something rediculous, i think it was a hotdog wrapped in some kind of pretzel casing with cheeze Whiz on it, Mark sat back and watched the Barnum & Indefinite article circus perform, followed by me releasing the wrath of hell, and my internal organs in the great town of shits-ville New York. Back on the road, evan missed an exit or 2, and before we knew it, arrived at Mark's house, which he called "his camp", which i didn't clearly understand until I walked into the house and had flashbacks of the movie pet cemetery 8. We drank 2 cases of Yueng Ling, played pool, made a camp fire, told ghost and alien stories cause the camp was scary as hell, but so sweet at the same time. Blake furiously continued his poor, yet fiery attempts of trying to make us realize that if we believe and agree with everything that he says it will be a perfect universe, and then the party showed up. 2 of marks friends, 1 male, 1 female, and by the way, you couldn't see a trace of paint on their car because it was completely covered in mud, and they wanted to take us "muddin'". So Blake, (already muddy), Mark, and Ian went with male and female and drove through a river. Sounds like some good ole' "muddin'" to me. Evan, Abe, brandon and I stayed back at the cemetery and played pool. The crew came back, and we were all done, so we decided to go to sleep. If you thought the night was over, you're an idiot. Blake stole my bed, i went ape shit and stole evan's bed, evan tackled me, punching me in the ribs, one shot to the jaw, i retreated to the couch, but i would not go quietly into the night. I diligently bombarded evan and blake, bringing to the forefront how much of a little bitch evan is, and how small animals were dropping dead outside from the stench blake had brewing, and i threw in that Brandons a mongoloid, and also how Abe couldn't understand anything that we were talking about because it wasn't written in a book. Finally, there was quiet.
WOOHAA, Day 2, (this could take a while)
I woke up with a dis-located hip and all i could think about was how hard the Boroque line in monster was gonna be, especially if my brainstem was severed. The boys followed suit, and it was like a pack of sloths trying to get from Montevideo to Mexico City. blake showered? (Random) We hit the road to Penn St. around 11:30-12:00ish. We arrived to the frat house and the most stereotypical frat guys emerged from the house. Good guys, they had the pledges of the frat set us up with anything we wanted, beer, food, badussy, a small child for Ian and his matted down hair and pedophile aviator sunglasses, a pair of scissors and a wheelbarrow of assorted candy for Blake, a brain for Brandon, a book with no words in it for Abe to try and figure out what the plot of the story was, and a bottle of advil for me to attempt to chip away at the cadillac sized hangover i had.......in a pair tree. This place was MASSIVE. It's the largest fraternity on the East coast. Cactus Ballbag and the neutered cock-spaniels opened for us and I wanted to castrate my own junk. It may as well have been a "WHAM" cover band. It was finally time for us to do our thing, the thing we came to do that has taken us this much time and effort to do, play kickass rock-hop. We started into the set, finished the set, and still had 4 hrs to play. The crowd, about 800-1000 strong was not an easy one to amuse, It was like they all had severe ADD, (much like someone i know Brandon). We started into the hip-hop set, opened with G'z and Hustla's by Snoop and played for a little over an hour. It got better because the majority of the crowd who were listening were diggin' what we were dishin'. Set break. 2.5 hrs left to play. The crowd was ready, we started into Reflexive Identity Theft and about a minute into the song, we lost all power to the PA system, some drunk turd tripped over the mixing board power cord. We got over it, replayed R.I.T. and continued the set start to finished, good set. 1.5 hrs. left to play, and we have but 1 rehearsed song left to play and it's the humpty dance. This was basically when all hell broke loose. People started requesting pearl Jam, Sublime, Yanni, John Tesh, the grateful dead, and so on and so forth. We then had to do the only thing that we knew how to do to keep this show going, and that was to bring up DJ Double A to the stage. He said he could freestyle, so the band layed down a groove, and DJ Double A began naming every single person in the world that he knew of, and didn't even say 2 words that came close to rhyming with eachother. He walked around the stage and requested more guitar and held the mic up to the guitar as if there was sound blaring out of the neck of the guitar. I finally took the mic from him after about 7 minutes of pure nonsensical buffoonery and did the only rehearsed rap that i knew. I know I know, you guys reading this are like, "man, that rap is getting so old, and he actually thinks he's good at rapping" but look at it this way, it was 100 times better than DJ. double dickhead. People started swarming the stage and requesting shit that we didn't know, so we wen't ahead and played humpty and I loved every second of it. The show ended, we got paid, packed our gear and went to a Diner near by. Evan was really Jonesin a hot open faced roast beef with gravy and potatos, i rocked the turkey sandwich, brandon got everything AND a french onion soup, and i forget the rest, who cares, really. We went back to the frat, evan, abe brandon and Mark dipped out and blake, Ian and I went out partying. We met up with my friend Matt Delaney from home who lived nearby and I sang Karaoke (Sweet Home Alabama) to a butt load of parents who were attending "parents night" at the fraternity. While i was inside lulling the fine young frat and sorority kids and their fossil-like parents as Ian put it, Blake was throwing the Mack down on one of the pledges mothers. This lady was insane, and funny at the same time, she was telling Blake how she blew 7 grams of the cocaine on the way to this thing, and the woman was straight up lookin' a wreck. She said that her daughter and Blake would be perfect for eachother, and then she told us that her daughter has been in the hospital for three years with severe manic depression. Blake, this girl sounds perfect for you, all you have to do is keep her alive by not letting her slice a main artery. The mother started geeking because she thought her son saw her throwing the mack on our stallion Blake here, and we left. NEXT. Rolled to another party where there was this cat who looked like Wesselley Willis just roaming around the house. Yes, he looked like a 250 pound paranoid schizophrenic African American. All it took was a half an hour, and some kid, who was apparently Wesselley's best friend, as he called him, beat the paranoia and living piss out of him. SOME KID THOUGHT BLAKE, (OF ALL PEOPLE), WAS A NARC, hah, the kid sketched out and left. We got interrogated by the PO-PO because someone was throwing beer bottles at houses and we told them we had no clue who it was. The special ed who was throwing bottles was right next to me the whole time he was doing it. so we went back to the diner for a cheesesteak, a real cheesesteak, and then went back the car that was parked in the frat's back yard and tried to get some shut eye. We nearly froze to death. When i thought I was about to go into shock, i hustled out of my car on a stealth mission to get inside the frat. I climbed in through a window that happened to be open and opened the back door for Ian and Blake. I took three comforters and 4 pillows off of some dudes bed and we slept on 3 executive style couches, leather and shit, comfy. As usual, i got down to my boxers cause i cant sleep with pants on for some reason, and I slept like a baby on that saturday night/sunday morning. To the owner of the pillow and comforter that Blake slept in, if you read this, im sorry.
I played a little piano on the baby grand that they had in the room we slept in when i got up, and afterwords we went and raided subway. We drove home, we luckily took the long way home, because we stopped at a roy rogers/gas station that had a bus load of hasidic jews. words cant really describe how badly off put my day was after that. We all B-Lined it back to beantown and relieved 7 upset stomachs.
April 10, 2005
P.S. What in God Muffins does Marklar mean. Code for car Mark, Brandon and Rick or some shit like that? Evan, please enter a popularity contest.