Monday, April 16, 2007
We're in the finals of the 2007 WBCN Rock and Roll Rumble.
Thanks in large part to the gigantic and raucous crowds that have accompanied us to our first two shows, we are now one show away from what would amount to a Miguel Tejada-like shot of vitamin B-12 in the form of cash and prizes, including tons and tons of recording time, which we need, since we're recording an EP and an album. But you already know this. What you don't know is when and where we play, which is why you should stop interrupting and look below:
WBCN Rock and Roll Rumble Finals
Friday, April 20
158 Brighton Avenue
Allston MA 02134
doors 8:30pm, IA plays at 9:30pm
We have the early slot, so we need you to be in late-night form early on in the evening. I can't see why that would be a problem. We will have pre-sales on Wednesday that we'll be selling off for $12 each; there are only going to be 100 discount pre-sales available, so email us right away if you're interested. More pre-sales are available at the Harpers Ferry website (www.harpersferryboston.com).
Not a whole lot of reviews of Saturday's show, but the Herald treated us a little better this week, which is good. The dig didn't come back to try to reanimate the rotting corpse of a story they wrote about us last week, but we can only imagine that something even more nefarious is in the works.
We need you at this show. We're the only band pre-selling tickets to this show, and it's working. Your constant and enthusiastic presence has been integral so far in pushing an underdog act into the finals. One more night and we'll be laughing all the way to the bank...
Let's do it!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Roy is going to start beating Jim up real bad and then Dwight is going to come to Jim’s defense and hit Roy with a stapler, knocking Roy out. The whole office is going to think Roy is dead, and Michael is going to decide that they need to hide Roy’s body and pretend nothing ever happened. Stanley and Ryan are going to start digging a shallow grave for Roy and Pam is going to completely freak out, at which point Karen is going to convince Michael that Pam, too, needs to die, in order to keep the secret. This point will be unbeknownst to Jim, who will be hopped up on painkillers while Andy, newly returned from anger management counseling, is stitching him up in the conference room, because if Jim were to go to the hospital it would raise suspicion about the deaths of Pam and Roy. Bob Vance, also, will die, for reasons unrelated to the circumstances above. How will Michael keep the plans for Pam’s murder away from Jim, and how will anyone stop Creed from detonating his doomsday device? Hilariously, that’s how! This week on The Office!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Much thanks to the band's good friend Adam Wiatt for this foray into absurdity.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
So, back to the story of Ms. Fareeza, a little old lady (or whatever) who herself had displayed quite the amount of dogged perseverance in the form of struggling mightily in her scheme to defraud me. Anyway, where were we?
Ah yes, there we were. My attempts at e-windtalking had utterly confused Ms. Fareeza and I was in jeopardy of losing her attention. I had once again been sent the horribly photoshopped "official document" and the picture of the box of money to "allay my fears." Ms. Fareeza was becoming short on patience. I admit I felt a bit of pressure; she undoubtedly had dozens of other potential clients, but for some reason she had chosen me. I needed to come through in the clutch.
So I sent this email:
I have already received the documents and my fears are so super-allayed. However, I sent you clear instructions regarding the security of the situation and you did not follow those instructions. Now that you have failed to follow the instructions, I fear that the security of the transaction has been breached. I even suspect that you may be a government agent.
In order to allay these fears, I have send you a questionnaire. The answers to this questionnaire will be legally binding, and in the United States, two "friends" can freely exchange goods, services, and money without threat of prosecution. Please see my attachment and fill out the form. If you fill this out, I'll feel much better!
If you need help with any of the questions on the form, let me know!
And I sent her this.
And she filled it out!
She actually filled the crap out!
I'm not sure that she actually understood anything on the form; she really just cut and pasted it into the body of an email and dropped some X's where she thought they should go. It's not really even worth it to post her reply.
Anyway, it was clear that I was becoming bored with Ms. Fareeza's bullheaded insistence that I engage in fraudulent transactions with her, so I decided to cut it off. How, pray tell, might I go about doing this?
Details to come in Part VI.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
What a hot, steaming mess of a world we live in.
In case you were sleeping under a rock, some extremely extreme stuff happened since my last e-communique, including:
the Mooninites attacking Boston,
and Mayor Menino looking like a complete dong by encouraging Bostoninans to boycott the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie.
Say what you want about the advertising campaign, the notable absence of decorum of the people who put up the ATHF ads, and/or the fraught-with-peril world of post-9/11 paranoia in which we live; Mayor Menino’s call to boycott the movie is a shining beacon of how out of touch he is with the 18-to-30 demographic. Perhaps it even illustrates the extent of our own political irrelevance.
Menino isn’t stupid. At least I hope he isn’t. Stupid or not, his choice to use this issue to erect a political grandstand in front of the monthly AARP meet-and-greet at the Old Country Buffet casts a blinding light on who fluffs his mayoral pillow. We might ask ourselves why he hasn’t addressed the under-30s (read: the people who think that this whole thing is a joke) at all on this issue. Is it because we’re a habitually disengaged set that would rather laugh at the irony of the situation than address its implications?
Yes, it is. That’s why.
This is a world that our generation is getting ready to inherit, whether we like it or not, and our elected officials are treating us like my parents did when The Simpsons first aired because they were afraid that Bart’s propensity to question authority would infect me with a serious case of sass-mouth.
So, loyal newsletter readers, let us come together as one and show the world we mean business by getting rip-roaringly mind-altered and watching pirated versions of the ATHF movie as soon as they are available on Bittorrent. Viva la revolucion!
I. This Saturday @ The Middle East!
II. New Content on Da Blog
III. WBCN Rumble!
VI. Cool New Website to Track Bands
I. This Saturday @ The Middle East!
Come rock out for our first Boston show in months this Saturday, February 17, Upstairs at The Middle East in Cambridge. The show is 18+ and tickets are $10. This is the first show that we have ever hosted without a promoter, so it’s a big deal for us. You can order tickets directly from The Middle East’s website, off of our myspace page (click on the ticket below our schedule), or directly from the band (email us). Doors open at 8:30, we’re on at 11, and the support acts are going to be fantastic.
II. New Content on Da Blog.
I told you that I would start writing again, and I have. For those of you who enjoy my verbose, disconnected musings, the homepage is http://www.indef-art.blogspot.com/. Most recently, I spent a few weeks messing with an internet scammer from Iraq. I’m still writing up the entire exchange, but you can read the first five parts by clicking these links. Click for parts, I, II, III, and IV.
Click here to read the newsletter on the blog, create a feedback loop on the internet, and make the e-niverse collapse on itself.
Next month, we’ll feature new selections from our YouTube account (username “theindefinitearticle“), through which we will share funny (read: drunk) clips from the road and grainy cell phone videos of our live performances.
III. WBCN Rumble!
It won't be rolled out to the press until February 25, so you heard it here first: we have been officially invited to participate in the WBCN Rock and Roll Rumble! This a battle-royale-of-the-bands is a premier launching pad for rising Boston acts (Dresden Dolls won in 2004) and is set up like Emergenza on amphetamines. Whereas we paid an entrance fee for Emergenza and it lasted roughly 6 years, the BCN Rumble treats bands like they actually know how to plug their cord-thingies into their own amplifying-machines and lasts a merciful 3 weeks. It's going to be a fun time.
The dates of the Rumble are from April 1 to April 20 (yes, April Fool’s Day to National Pink Floyd Awareness Day). We will play 3 rounds during this time. The first round will be some date between April 1 and April 7; the second round will be either April 13 or 14; and the finals will be on April 20. All shows will be at Harper’s Ferry in Allston.
Once we get ticket sale info, we will figure out a 3-shows-for-1 price break for you guys, because we love you.
We look forward to mopping the floor with the competition.
Please read this. You have no idea how tedious it is for me to type all of these shows out. Our complete and updated schedule is always available at www.myspace.com/theindefinitearticle.
Friday, February 16
90 Washington Street, Salem MA
IA plays 10pm-12:30am
Saturday, February 17
Middle East Upstairs
w/ Baldi and the Suburban Graffiti and The Alchemystics. Hosted by AVI.
492 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge MA
18+, $10 adv/doors
doors 8:30pm, IA plays 11:30-close
Thursday, February 22
188 Main Street, Burlington VT
IA plays 11pm-2am
Friday-Saturday, February 23-24
email band for details
Thursday, March 1
2 Main Street, Gloucester MA
IA plays 9:30-12:30
Friday, March 2
797 Quincy Shore Drive, Quincy MA
IA plays 9:30-12:30
Saturday, March 3
Park Street Pub
40 Park Street, Andover MA
IA plays 9:30-12:30
Friday, March 9
w/ Baldi and the Suburban Graffiti
1039 Washington Street, Hoboken NJ
all ages, door TBA
doors 8pm, IA plays 9pm
Saturday, March 10
The Santa Fe
4410 Knox Rd, College Park MD
Thu March 22 – The Blackburn, Gloucester MA
Fri March 23 – Tammany Hall, Worcester MA
Friday March 30 – Harbor House, Gloucester MA
April 1-20 – WBCN Rock and Roll Rumble
Thursday April 19 – Bowdoin College, Brunswick ME
Friday April 20 (tentative) – Bishop’s Lounge, Northampton MA
Friday May 4 – The Santa Fe, College Park MD
As always, we would like to thank Rockstar for keeping Brandon wired at all times. Brandon without taurine is like a horse without a carriage; he may run free, but how else are we going to make money giving haunted hayrides if we don’t actually own a horse?
Take a minute to re-read the previous paragraph. Just let it sink in.
In January, Brandon and Rick went out to NAMM, a music industry trade show of some sort, and Brandon also picked up a sponsorship from Factory Metal Percussion. Here is a YouTube video of him playing their drumset, which looks like it came from the set of The Crow.
Brandon is also supported by Silverfox Percussion.
For just the price of a cup of coffee per day, you too can sponsor a young band on their way to certain poverty.
VI. Cool New Website to Track Bands
Check out tourfilter.com. It’s a really bare-bones website that scours the internet for your favorite bands’ tour schedules. You can even program it to send you an email when bands that you really like (this band, maybe?) are coming to town. It’s really simple, devoid of advertising, and kind of fun to play around with. We’re only tracked by a few people (one of whom is me – username fatherabraham), so the more people that track us, the better we’ll look, and then maybe the hot chick that sits in front of us in class will finally notice us.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Cassie. I love you. Thanks for your love and support and for your endurance of my odd obsession with this band.
You are my sunshine and you keep me happy while the skies are grey. You inspire me, and your cheeks stay plump. I'm looking forward to the day that I won't have to sneak you through the back door... until August 14th...
Love you Britt,
My darling Polish lover -Happy Valentines Day! You are fabulous and all my thanks goes to you for constant support and always being there for me. Everyone who reads this newsletter (hopefully atleast a few do) should know that Eva Baldyga is a fantastic human being in every possible way. I love you! Kocham Cie! And now back to the rantings about the band...
Father Abraham and the band
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Canada is a land of contrasts. Explain.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Now answer this question:
Are you fucking kidding me?
For those of you who are too lazy to click the link, here is a short synopsis:
- all under 21 live shows in Boston proper must now end at 11 pm.
- we're fucked.
I really don't know what this solves. Isn't the under-21 crowd the crowd that, at least in theory, should be the easiest to control? If the bouncers are properly trained - that is to say, if they are screening IDs, checking for overly intoxicated patrons on their way through the doors, and enforcing the drinking laws, shouldn't all of the under-21 folks out in Boston be relatively innocuous?
That aside, what really worries me is the effect that this law is going to have on the local music economy. A solid four fifths of the high profile mid-level venues in the Boston area (the venues being Bill's Bar, The Middle East, Great Scott, Harper's Ferry, and The Paradise) will be affected by this law. The only venue that will be able to throw 18+ shows, which are easily more profitable and sensible bills for the bands involved, will be The Middle East. The competition to get 18+ weekend shows at The Middle East, which is already ferocious, will be more cutthroat than we can possible imagine now. The other four venues will attempt to put on 18+ shows with early start times until they realize that no one goes to shows at 7pm, at which point they will become almost exclusively 21+ venues.
But hey, at least people will be able to ride the T home.
Worst thing about all of this is that the music crowd didn't do this. The yah-dudes did it. The baseball cap-wearing, ironed-jeans having, buttoned-down shirt-rocking douchebags who cruise Lansdowne Street at 2 am looking for fights because they're disappointed that the hours they spent at the gym doing only bench presses and bicep curls didn't make them any more adept at talking to women and who just spent $100 of their parents' hard-earned money on shitty, watered down drinks in plastic cups and who are about to drive their cars home, drunk, to their $850-a-month Commonwealth Avenue apartments; those people, those horrifying shells of people, they are sexually frustrated, so they roll with their paltry crews of similar - nay, replicant - douchebags looking for fights, and they find one on the corner of some Mass. Ave and Boylston (note: I saw this happen after our CD release show at Bill's Bar), and the fight sucks because none of these overgrown children can throw a punch to save their lives, so they both go home, faces intact, congratulating themselves on winning, pretending to be men, and ready to do it again next weekend.
And who loses? Rock and roll loses.
Which leaves me with only one question for rock and roll:
Since when did we lose to these assholes?
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Please send me your direct phone number,so we can talk.
This was odd. A bit scary.
Let's read it again.
Please send me your direct phone number,so we can talk.
But what if I don't want to?
I consulted friends and co-workers about this and we decided that giving out a work number, even Thomas' work number, would be a bad idea. So I needed a plan....
Plan. A plan is a part of a larger project. A project. A project is something that someone does. Does. Conjugate of "do." To do something, one needs money. Money. One can procure money from an ATM. ATM. To get money from an ATM, one much punch in one's code. That's it!
So I wrote this email:
I can't do that. The CIA or the FBI could be listening to us at any time, and it would be dangerous to talk over the phone about matters involving money, especially money coming from Iraq. I am starting to believe that you are trustworthy, based on your perseverance and hard work to make this happen, so I think that we can finish this transaction via email.
We need to be very careful. I have made you a new account. The address is firstname.lastname@example.org and the password is "prisioneroespanol". Please sign in with this information. You will be Martha, and I will be sending you a list of things to get at the store. I will be your husband. I will then email you quickly from my new account, which the Feds won't know. The email will contain the subject line "things to buy at the store." That will be me. From that point on, we will have to speak in code. Here is the code:
dollars = pounds of roast beef
escrow service = cellophane wrap
account = lettuce
10 = 4
100 = 5
22.5 milliion = 7
car = truck
cat = dog
up = down
your bank = grocery store
my bank = freezer
For instance, I will say: "Martha, please go to the grocery store and get me those 7 pounds of roast beef for the party tonight with the Haverfields. Make sure that they wrap it in cellophane before you put it in the freezer. Oh, and go uptown to pick up the cat. And make sure that she doesn't start barking as soon as she gets home."
I will mean: "Fareeza, please go to the bank and get me those 22.5 million dollars. Have the escrow service deposit it in my bank. Oh, and go downtown to pick up the dog. And make sure that she doesn't start barking as soon as she gets home."
This way, the FBI will think that we are talking only about a routine trip to the supermarket. I will email you soon once I set up these two addresses.
Also, I will be throwing in other information to throw the Feds off of our scent. Just ignore it. Only pay attention to the code.
Over and out, fellow freedom fighter!
Mrs. Fareeza was to be Martha Anderson, regular housewife, and I was to be Sam Anderson, heavyweight bodybuilder and star astronaut. I sent this email and another "coded" email from my "secret" account (email@example.com - is anyone grasping the significance of these addresses/passwords?) and waited. I'll spare you the details of the coded email; it doesn't make much sense anyway. Best thing is, I was able to access Mrs. Fareeza's "secret" account at the same time, because I had created it. About 12 hours after I sent her the email, I saw that she had accessed the account and read the code, yet I received no response. So I wrote her another email:
I see that you did not respond to my latest message. I am beginning to doubt your sincerity in this business transaction. Could this be an elaborate joke played on me? I hope not. I was willing to help, but now I am not so sure. I hope that you can convince me otherwise, so I can help another paralyzed person and her 15 year old son with hepatitis.
I finally did receive a response. Hilariously, it was an email from the Martha Anderson account that I had created for Mrs. Fareeza, to the Johnny Faux account. Mrs. Fareeza had breached security! Martha and Sam Anderson would have to be summarily executed.
At this point, the joke was falling apart, because Mrs. Fareeza was completely and utterly confused. In order to allay my fears, she sent me a picture of a box of money and this document:
Thanks!, I thought. I haven't seen this yet!
So here I was, back at square one, except that Mrs. Fareeza was as confused as ever, Martha and Sam were dead, I now had two sets of official documents, and I was getting kind of bored.
What's next? Stay tuned for part V!