"Hey, Bart! Remember Alf? He's back! In pog form!"

Words cannot express the emotions that I feel when watching this video.




Much thanks to the band's good friend Adam Wiatt for this foray into absurdity.

The Wide World of Rich, Paralyzed Iraqis, Part V

Sorry for the delay. I am re-learning the lesson that all things - even blogging - require patience and perseverance; you know, a little bit of the ole' elbow grease.

So, back to the story of Ms. Fareeza, a little old lady (or whatever) who herself had displayed quite the amount of dogged perseverance in the form of struggling mightily in her scheme to defraud me. Anyway, where were we?

Ah yes, there we were. My attempts at e-windtalking had utterly confused Ms. Fareeza and I was in jeopardy of losing her attention. I had once again been sent the horribly photoshopped "official document" and the picture of the box of money to "allay my fears." Ms. Fareeza was becoming short on patience. I admit I felt a bit of pressure; she undoubtedly had dozens of other potential clients, but for some reason she had chosen me. I needed to come through in the clutch.

So I sent this email:

Dear Fareeza

I have already received the documents and my fears are so super-allayed. However, I sent you clear instructions regarding the security of the situation and you did not follow those instructions. Now that you have failed to follow the instructions, I fear that the security of the transaction has been breached. I even suspect that you may be a government agent.

In order to allay these fears, I have send you a questionnaire. The answers to this questionnaire will be legally binding, and in the United States, two "friends" can freely exchange goods, services, and money without threat of prosecution. Please see my attachment and fill out the form. If you fill this out, I'll feel much better!

If you need help with any of the questions on the form, let me know!

Thanks!
Johnny

And I sent her this.

And she filled it out!

She actually filled the crap out!

I'm not sure that she actually understood anything on the form; she really just cut and pasted it into the body of an email and dropped some X's where she thought they should go. It's not really even worth it to post her reply.

Anyway, it was clear that I was becoming bored with Ms. Fareeza's bullheaded insistence that I engage in fraudulent transactions with her, so I decided to cut it off. How, pray tell, might I go about doing this?

Details to come in Part VI.